It took me until this year to feel like even decorating my home for a holiday. I can only go up from here!! I threw out the old and bought a new tree and ornaments. I still kept the ornaments the kids grew up with and even the ones they made me and their dad, but they are safe in a tote. I even bought new decorations to place around the house. I wanted everything new to go with my new life.
She was so awful to live with my home became a prison; we had to lock all our valuables up, even the computers. I was so unhappy, and it took me until now to realize she WAS the problem; she was TOXIC, and my home became a place I no longer loved. In fact, I wanted more than anything for my life to just be done. When she left, I felt it all over again, but since then, I have been working on myself, my home, and my love for life again. I love my home again and never felt safe when she lived there. It's my sanctuary now, my safe place, my vacation from the world.
I spent the first year sobbing every night, and the following year, I was just sad, but I could smile more. This year, I am living life. I have abided by her rules of no engagement, and SHE is missing out on her family. I feel bad for her brother, who is tremendously hurt, and her father, but they have dealt with this better than I have. I will give them that. I processed the same as one would having grief from the loss of a loved one who has passed on.
Deep down, we are all hurt by this and may never get over it, but we have all chosen to live life to the fullest.
We have planned to go on a cruise in January 2025 and are all looking forward to it; we would have loved to have her along with us, and we most likely would have helped her pay for some, if not all, of it, but these are the memories she chooses to miss out on.
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